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Saturday, June 25, 2011

One of my Favorite English essays

Sidestep Snogging
            If you were to find yourself face to face with someone who wished to slap their chops all over you, is it impolite to reject them?  The answer, of course, is no.  This isn’t about the denial though; it is about the method of refusal.  If you are one who wishes to learn the proper tactics to veto a snogging session, then please continue reading. If you feel you already posses the suitable knowledge to decline a kiss then you may put this paper down for there is no reason to continue reading further except to refresh your memory.  The trick is simply not to get into a kissing position in the first place. 
            By kissing position, I’m not talking just how close in proximity your face is to theirs, but also the mood, environment and the time spent with this non-“significant” other.  Now I understand these aren’t always simple things to avoid.  For example, say you were asked to a high school dance by Sam (Sam can be a boy or girl, whichever fits your case).  Already the mood has probably been set; this is a date, you are dressed up and Sam most likely has special feelings for you.  After the dance you may be forced to an “after dance activity” such as a movie.  Therefore on top of the romantic mood that only Sam is feeling, now you are obligated to be in the dark, sitting too close, for the next two hours.  
            If you are stuck in this position, then first of all, I am so sorry.  Second, understand that it is not your fault and there are ways to avoid the seemingly inevitable lip smacking experience.  Step one: DO NOT CUDDLE.  This will give off the completely incorrect and dishonest appearance that you are floating in the pink clouds above with Sam.  Step two: Keep your eyes on the screen and your mouth closed.  Do not allow yourself the pleasure of conversation with Sam.  Conversation will lead to giggling, batting of eyes and eventually snogging.  I say keep your eyes on the screen because if your eyes were to wander aimlessly around the room, Sam may think you are bored and proclaim something to the effect of, “Let’s get out of here and go somewhere more private” (A.K.A. somewhere to make out).  
            Other than experiences, like with Sam where the mood, environment, and time are practically preordained, it is all a matter of self control to avoid the kissing position.  When you are asked whether you would rather go on a single date to a romantic dinner and movie, or go to a party where large quantities of people are gathered, choose the wiser.  It is ALWAYS better to be in groups then alone.  Now sometimes kissing positions are unforeseeable.  They sneak up on you like a cheetah stalking a gazelle and pounce!
            In these instances to kiss or not to kiss may seem like a matter of life or death.  You may just be chilling having a good time and suddenly two hands grab you about the waste, spin you around, dip you down and someone’s two lips make a “B” line for your two lips; try not to panic.  You have a choice; let fate take its course, or grab hold of fates reigns, turn your cheek and deny them!  But if you choose the path of rejection, be prepared for red faces, an awkward silence and possibly some harsh words.  
            If you choke, and are unable to steer fate, well then you better hope you had some chap stick and a freshly brushed mouth, because it looks like you are in for an inescapable snogging session. It’s alright though, kissing happens every day.  Just let it transpire and if it was a bad as you expected, end it with a stinging slap to their face. 

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